"Tell these people something they don't already know about me."
~B.Rabbit
It was a group coaching session several years ago. Honestly, it could have been a virtual call about a group coaching session; I'm not sure, but what I do remember about it was a) that it was corporate and b) that I love disrupting the bureaucracy of corporate routine.
"I'm not going to tell the world about my personal life and share photos; I'm not going to be vulnerable; that's just not who I am."
I'm paraphrasing, of course; I can't remember exactly what she said, but it was something to that effect. Ironically, as we started the call, I do remember this same executive apologizing for being late because of something to do with traffic, her kid's school, and car trouble.
When she said she wasn't going to be "vulnerable," I responded, "There are several people on this call who have already heard your vulnerability the moment you entered the room."
Vulnerability isn't as bad as we think it is. People hear my story, watch my videos, read my articles, and think, "There's no way I'm going to do that," and that's fine, but before you jump to the conclusion that you will never be vulnerable online, let me tell you these two beliefs that I have:
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People want to feel okay, meaning they likely won't feel comfortable speaking to someone who gives off the vibe that "they're better than them."
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You don't know what you don't know, meaning that you will never realize another way until you try something you've never done.
Yes, I put pretty much all of it out there for the world to see, and trust me when I say that I have my reasons, the first reason being that after all, I've been through, I'm not concerned with what "the world" thinks of me, and two, I'm actively trying to set the bar very, very low and the second reason, because I understand people want to feel "just a little bit okay." I want to make it easier for them to step over that bar.
People can read your profile and website and see for themselves how much credibility you have to solve their problems. What they need to see is just how relatable you are as a person before they decide to enlist your help. I wrote about trust several weeks ago, but it's worth mentioning again: People want to know they can trust you.
Your profile provides credibility; doing what you said you would do makes you reliable, and when you combine the two, you are likely worth trusting. The fastest way to trust is easy; it's through vulnerability. For example, "Sorry I was late to this call, my kids were driving me crazy this morning, my car wouldn't start, I was late dropping them off, and then I hit rush hour traffic."
It might not have the same ring to it as "I'm sober for eleven years this March," but make no mistake, it's still on the vulnerability spectrum.
Ernest Hemingway once wrote, "Write hard and clear about what hurts. " In full transparency, I have no idea where he wrote that; all I know is that I love it so much that I wouldn't hesitate to get a tattoo of it on my chest. It's a line that's difficult to dispute because by talking about what "hurts," yes, you might make someone uncomfortable, but at the same time, I guarantee you will make that one person who has been wanting to talk comfortable and last I checked, it's nearly impossible to please everyone.
Even if their name was, in fact, Karen ("Nobody's gonna know. They're gonna know.")
Get comfortable being uncomfortable,
Derek
p.s. Please keep this between us.
